Always

It always be a one side treatment.like forever.

Men can go out and get drunk wit their friends. They can go out drunk and get to know other drunk girls. They can get drunk and have fun drinking games wit other drunk girls.
I am not a dumbass ok.
Don't treat me like one.

Clueless

Sometimes i feel like giving up everything.
And that includes my r/ship.
I dnt feel secure at all.
I hate this feeling of insecurities.
As if anytime. I could be alone then im back to square one.
I have to protect my heart. Its been abused for too long that i am scared it will bleed again.

He met me when he was still in a r/ship. Then things happened. So no more old gf. But will does he that to me too. Its kinda hard to put that trust bck in my head when ive gone through such an abusive r/ship for a very long time before. And now. This new guy.
Ahh i dnt know. I still hv my doubts even tho i tried hard to mend my own heart and minfucked myself in the head that im gonna give love a chance again. But to trust in an another whole new level.
Today. I read sum shitty stuff. How the hell am i supposed not to be doubtful again?

If he doesnt wanna be cruel and hurt his ex why is he not wit her then?
And he said that i had helped him escape from his ex, does he really love me?
And the only main reason he puts me as his gf in fb is because he doesnt want his ex to pester him anymore.
I feel shittier now.

I think ive been patience enuf.
I am not a getaway holiday. I have feelings too.
This is too depressing to contemplate about.

Sigh

I'm feeling very suicidal these few days.
I don't like this at all, I don't like how my mind keeps fucking itself again & again.
The meds are nt working anymore.
I am stuck in this shit hole.
I juz want everything to end.

For Once

Gawt. Cnt for once I have a normal ones like other ppl pls? Wthman. This is like deja vu all over again. I dnt like this at all.

Aigoo

MAJOR HEART PAIN.

(Y___Y)

Sleepless Nites

It has been 3 days of sleepless nites.
Today is the first day, I did the biggest tattoo ever. Not good yet, bt it was way better than first unofficial few ones I did on people. I am a lil bit proud of myself.
Can't be overly proud since its kinda shitty still. -_-
Anyways, I need to sketch more designs soon. Hopefully I will have time to do some this weekend. Heh.

Hell

One thing I really hate, that usually makes me pissed is ppl who say one thing, then do the other. Make up ur fcking mind, will ya.
I dnt mind eliminating ppl nowadays.
Stop playing mind games.
My head is not a fcking toy!

Goodnite

500mg shld knock off an elephant.
That's good enuf.

Ha Ha Ha

#iamforeverstupid

Fck.

SIGH

Im not used to receiving help from others. I feel bad.
Like seriously.
I dont like asking for help because it makes me feel weak and its just not me.
But since I have agreed that i would let him in my life and be part of me. I can't say No.
I FEEL BAD.
IM NOT USED TO THIS.
URGHHHHHH...
(Y____Y)

The End

Just let it go and close your eyes,
To endure these like the rerun of nightmares,
Its alright to lose these tormented battles,
No longer you have to put a brave facade,
No longer you have to mend your broken heart,
To brace the nite,
To pretend that you are an unbroken pillar,
You're on a stage,
Thrown into oblivion,
Fall into the pit of hatred,
Those nites where you buried yourself,
In the dark corner of the room,
Not to let others see those tears,
But it will end soon,
Gone like specks of dust blown away by strong winds,
At the edge of the window,
To reach the bottom seems so far,
Beyond reach down below,
Where you'll find the answer,
So you'll leap once while you close your eyes,
Knowing that this tragic ending are the only answer,
The answer to the final call of your last existence.
And you bid farewell to the cruel world.

Elimination Time

So since I can't sleep & suffering from mental torture.
I've decided to make a list of new rules in my so-called tragic life. -_-
Popped a tab of clonazepam, I hope this will help me to get some rest (aft 3 nites in a row on late nites rendezvous.. I fckin hope I won't get plasma for my mds. Fml)

1) If I'm ur gf, then admit it. Don't deny our r/ship. I don't appreciate, me being hidden all the time. Been there done that!

2) I want to be acknowledge. I am not a house cat or a guinea pig. I am a human being. Human being would love to be acknowledge regardless what kinds of human they are.

3) If I am ur gf. Then treat me like ur gf. I can be ur bestfriend/the nicest person to be around with. But if I'm nice to u, I would appreciate if u would be nice to me too.

4) I don't flirt with other boys. Means that u have no rite to flirt with other girls. I dnt do shit, so u dnt do shit too.

5) I've settled all the fcking crap of my past. So I hope that u'll settle yours too.

6) No more - "if I want u then I'll find u" crap. 7yrs + an additional of 2yrs of this torture is juz depressing. I seriously sick of this game. I'm not a door mat. I think I tolerated enuf. I probably should be a saint or smth.

7) Eliminate all fcking enemies that pretended to be my 'concern' friends.

8) To live a simple & uncomplicated life. Not trouble free, all I want is a humble lifestyle. DGAF all shittiness that might affect my mental health.

9) Don't hush me when ur ex calls u. I won't go screaming like a mad woman like seriously chill la... I'm still sane & able to think rationally, but then again asking me to shut up is kinda insulting.

10) I am not asking for money or the world. I just want a normal, healthy & loving r/ship that won't fucked me up in the brain again.

On The Side Note

I feel like crying rite now.
There's so many things that I want to say outloud but I'm trying to suppress it the best I can, because sometimes silence is the best policy.
However, since I'm havin my mense now, everything is juz bursting out. Fck man.
-_-

I fcking hate this feeling.
Ohh gawt...

123 Go

I'm gonna work hard for this.
Ignore all external aggressor that's gonna bring me down. I've gone through much worst before.

Bring it on mofos.

Hole of Shittiness

I am in one of my deepest thoughts of random shittiness that might reset my whole brain function once more.
Here we go again.
#fml

Sketch Nite

Sunday Pon De Replay

Watchin UFC wit <3 & Cherry on a Sunday morning.

My MDs Loves

World, this is my microdermals.
Microdermals, this is the world.
Be nice to each other ok.

Workout

Am at the office gym.

Break Down The Wall

I always know what I want to do wit my life but there's too many obstacles that refrains me from getting it. In the end, I succumbed to major opinions & shut up.
Most people said that its not a good career choice.
Well, what is good to a person may not be good to the other.
Since when everyone seems to know what the other really need?
I did have a job from 9 - 5 like normal person for few years. I didn't like it, at all. Am not happy. While I'm busy toiling in the office, my mind seems to questioned how ifs & I have a lot of how ifs in my head everyday.
Probably if I'm doing what I like for once in my life, take a risk, I would execute it wit perfection, coz that is what I want. I have never regret the things that I've wanted for myself.
Instead of pretending that I too want to have a normal job like normal people. That's just sucks. Like seriously.
I just need that emotional encouragement & support to say that "go for it".
Just gimme a break, please.

Fuck Corporate Life

EZ Pizzy

Its easy to take off ur clothes & have sex. People do it all the time, but opening up ur soul to someone, letting them into ur spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams...

That is being naked.

18 April

I shall get myself something nice for my 29th bday this year.
Maybe, platinum blonde highlights or a G-Shock watch or an ipod (if I have the money) ....
This is depressing..
I'm OLD.
-___-

The Hand

Hello, bronzey nail polish.
#boredomkills

To-Day

Activities I did in the office today (not in order):-

1) Following ups stupid clients
2) Ate wholemeal buns
3) Drank loads of coffee
4) Checked out tumblr
5) Called stupid clients
6) Checked out websites
7) BBM-ed
8) Lunch wit the gang
9) Laughed wit the gang
10) Bitched bout Samsung Galaxy Tab wit Mat
11) Bitched bout Playbook wit Mat
12) Bitched bout stupid gay dude wit Mat
13) Bitched bout stupid dude wit Tasha
14) Ate cereal + yogurt wit Tasha
15) Meeting
16) Migraine after meeting
17) Called wrong client
18) SMSed wit mom
19) Almost cried
20) Almost get heart attack
21) Almost want to smack stupid dude
22) Pissed off wit stupid dude
23) Tied up bandana to my haywire hair
24) Drank tea
25) Drank water
26) Sent emails to stupid clients
27) Replied stupid clients' emails
28) Received sale from nice client
29) On the phone wit nice client
30) Almost died during meeting
31) Suicidal
32) Depressed
33) Barricade myself in the toilet cubicle
34) Almost died then lived again
35) Updated resume

Pusseh

:)

Miss Ribbons

I got obsessions anything wit ribbons.

Shittiness

Coz I'm fucked up the brain.
Maybe he was rite, that nobody deserves me.
Nobody.
I'm neurotic. I'm not good enuf.
Not good for anything.
Utterly useless.
Am far from perfect.
Far from anything at all.
I'm not strong and he knows it all along.
Because I am not strong. I fucked things up.
I always fucked things up.

I know it deep inside myself.
I tried to be someone else.
I tried everything.
Nothing works.
U've won.
I hope u are happy now.

FML

There are two things that I really want to do rite now:-

1) DIE
2) CRY

#confession

About

This Is Me

The Truth

Truth is, I get jealous easily because what's mine is mine. I'm stubborn as hell, I say sorry too much. I act like I don't give a fuck because I care too much. I over analyze the smallest of things & probably come off as a bitch to simply guard myself.

Shiznit

I got myself a pair of new shoes from Everlast.
#loveit

Fucked Up

Bad experiences can really fucked u up in the brain big time & the feeling lasts for a VERY long time.
I hate this a lot.

Hey You

I want to swim in an ocean of blankets with you.
I want to fall asleep holding your hand.
I want to kiss your nose & forehead, then squeeze you tight.
Let's sleep in on weekends and I'll make you pancakes and massage you til you fall asleep.
We'll stay in our pajamas all day and watch our favorite movies together.
I'll make you forget all of your problems.
We can talk about our dreams and about the future.
Maybe our future??
I wouldn't mind that.
I think I could handle your grumpyness.

:)

Microdermals

I'm gonna get microdermals. Period.
#forreal

Juz Sayin

If u bite my lip or neck.
U better start taking ur fucking clothes off.

#juzsayin

Hibernating Dolphin

#chillax
#lazysaturday

Ladyboss

Trying to look like a ladyboss.
#epicfail

Weird English

I don't understand this. This is bloody stupid.
Worst thing is, its actually a car sticker. Imagine someone puts it on their car, so.. u got a bloody moron who has THIS driving around town, which doesn't make any sense at all.
#gobacktoschoolyouidiot

Lettering Inks

I have to get a few soon. There are few in mind rite now.

First gotta be, a quote from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein novel which I really love.
The problem is, I have no fucking idea where to put it. That is the only reason that I never got any up til now. Like seriously, if u give me a design, I could juz know where to ink it in a blink of an eye. But lettering, its kinda hard for me to think, I got sudden brain freeze for no reason. Sucks.

Shall I put it at my collarbones, juz above my 'uncompleted' chest piece? Ughhh.
Its gonna be painful as fuck.
My back? Ribcage? -___-"
#thirdworldstressed

I seriously think that I'm a closet masochist, without a doubt.
#paintime

Moving On

There comes a point, when you're more important than your past.

Soon

Soon this blog is gonna be converted to the journal of Dee's legs.
It seems that I've uploaded tons of my legs (only) pics at various places. -__-"
I know its weird.
#iamnotnormal

I Am Waiting

Am waiting for tetel to bring me out for breakfast.
Todays breakfast menu: KOLO MEE
#swag
#gimmemyfoodnow

To Kazakhstan

Waiting for the bus to visit the tetel.
#crossingstates
#aigoo

Chopsticks

Good nite. I'm sleepy.

Updates Updates

Since I'm a self proclaimed vain person, I sometimes imagine that its an occupation.

Just to update on my latest list of obsessions for.. Hmm.. I dnt know exactly for wat.. -_-
Vain purposes perhaps?

THE LATEST OBSESSIONS LIST:-
1) Dominos cheese burst
2) Pixtrix
3) Microdermal on cheek bones
4) Ribbons (this is an on & off addictions)
5) Sing along to Paramore (wtf)
6) Tyga
7) Tyga + Chris Brown collaborations
8) Bloody Beetroots
9) DIY salt water spray (essential)
10) Varsity jackets
11) Bandana rockabetty style
12) Black & white old skool pics
13) Charles Bukowski
14) Mini pouches
15) Mirinda strawberry
16) Punk rock sketches
17) Finger tattoos
18) My cheek piercings
19) Platinum blonde highlights
20) Men tank tops

Hellyeh

#vaintime (again)

Moo Moo

Swagger

Me wit MacBeth. Today.
#swag

Holla At Me

Sketch of The Day

Sketch of The Day

Eggcited

Taking one big step soon. Major changes happening.
Mixed feelings - both excited and nervous.
Word can't describe how I'm feeling rite now.
I haven't had this kind of 'seriousness' for a VERY long time and only God knows that I'm dying, to get it rite this time.
For once, please give me a major break.
:)

Cornholio

#vaintime

Good Cake

I had this awhile back at Secret Recipe.
Its called Strawberry Marshmallow Cheese Cake.
One word, heaven.
:)

Boobies

I wish mine was this huge.
Fuck flat chest.
-__-"

Daily Commute

One of my daily activities.

Face Off

Am in the process of stretching both ears.
Its anal.
Painful as fck. Period.

Ughhh. Why am I so addicted to avant-garde beauty procedure?
Why am I this cool? #random
But whyyyyy? God... Tell me whyyyy?
-_-

Ps. Ignore the problematic skin. I know it looks ugly upclose. But I'm not THAT bad looking from far away. HAH! #vaintime

Sigh

Come back to me when ur ok.

Ugh. Hotness

*drools*

Pretty

Awww.. This is pretty.

Candy Cane

#thatbastard
WAHAHAHA

Sosis

Good times at Bandung (2011).

I was spaced out of my mind, blame the awesome space cakes.

(-__-)

#iamnotastoner

The Faces of Bipolar

MANIC

DEPRESSED

Jumping Off Aeroplanes

Lets migrate to this city (I dont even know where the fuck is this) but its still cool as fuck.

Ps. How many 'FUCK' do I need to insert in per sentence? I am not fucking sure myself.

HAHAHAHA.

*doing the vain face now*

Scandalous

My imaginary boyfriend.

So cool.

Morning Glory

The best thing bout taking the train in early morning is the people couldn't bothered to look at the people beside them (unless they're some bangla dudes - banglas always tend to have culture shock everywhere in KL.. They'll basically cockstare anything that doesn't exist back in their village in Bangladesh which is almost EVERYTHING)

These 'good' ignorant people are either fast asleep sitting down or standing up (yes, they are multi talented) or too bz with their gadgets (particularly IPHONY.. Oh, sorry, its iPhones, iPads, the God forsaken Samsung Galaxy Tab (-__-) & vice versa)

In conclusion, I get less stare, probably the only ones who are staring at me cause of my cheek piercings or feet tattoos are Banglas (please refer to paragraph 1 of this entry to know why, if u are suffering from short term memory)

So its all peachy all the way up to my stop. Good people. Keep it up!

Sketch Of The Day

Brutal x Tree

Hell Yess

Hell Yess to:-

1) Hand tattoos
2) Neck tattoos
3) Finger tattoos
4) Microdermal

Someday..
HA HA HA HA HA *evil-er laughs*

Rabakap

Me: Mom, I want to get married.
Mom: You want to get married with who?
Me: I want to marry Rabakap.
Mom: Who the hell is Rabakap?
Me: The dude who use metal attire and talks like a retard. He has big guns tho, but he walks really slow and robotic-like. Well, as I mentioned earlier, he's kinda retarded.

*This conversation is fake. None of it takes place in real life, I have wild imagination*

-__-

Plasma Trauma

I sort of havin somekind of a plasma trauma rite now.
Keep checking the mirror for swelling on me cheeks, then I gargle salt water at least 3x during working hours (excluding the ones I'm doing at home), I have salt water mini spray in my tote bag, I have the tendency to rush home after work/dinner because I too scared that I would go to bed late.. No late nite partying if you have new piercings, its a well known taboo #talkinglikeamakciknow

Yes, it was THAT bad.

Honestly speaking, taking care of my cheek piercings are a pain in the ass. U dnt want to get that part fucked up, if not I'll look like a bloated 'fiss' again. Nah ah.. Not my face pendejo, this is MARKET *pointing at own face*
Ok, enuf of #vaintime

Asked Frankie the piercer tis morn whether I can change the left bar to the original bar which I had earlier, but he asked me to wait for an another week. Ughh.. The balls are too bigggggggg (the ones I'm using currently) its like 15mm or watever crap. I'm bad wit numbers. I like the originals ones better coz its cute & small. Hmmm.
Guess I have to be really patient for the time being. Like 'saint patience', won't-kill-ants-or-roaches-even-if-they-eat-you kinda patience. Don't wanna disturb it sumore, or I'll get blowfiss & plasma attack again.

Fuck. DO NOT WANT. Ok.

Beer Loves Me

I don't like the beer but the beer like me.
#thetruth
#strongbow
#beertime

I AM An Alien

No one. I tell you that NOT EVEN A SINGLE WALKING, TALKING, BREATHING, EATING, SHITTING, CUSSIN, THINKING entity, could be on par with my state of mind.
I am too chaotic & neurotic to begin with.

There were times, I think that I am an alien.
Hah!

Hensem Store

This is where I found loads of hensem tshirts.
Manyyyyyy... Manyyyyyy...
#gimme

Eternity

Cause like you said.
This is it, this is life.

And I'm in love with you... I think that's the only thing I've ever really been sure of, in my entire life.

Mofos

Ok, thanks to all for making me such a pussy today. Yes, thank you.. for finally making me burst into tears.
I no longer could hold this bravado persona. Just let me cry like a sissy boy cause the pressure is just too much to handle.
I am a girl. I will cry if I want to.
Fuck off and thank you very much.


Regards
Dee

Do' From Hell

Recent updates on me HAIR (the ones on top of me head):-

GOOD:
Its longer,the bangs included. Way cooler than before.

BAD:
I look like I have an epic white-thrash trailer park mullet.

#whyyoulikethis
#hipsterdepression

Bender Fender

BENDER IS THE COOLEST INVENTION, EVER. (after Doggy-Style)

I LOVE YOU BENDER.

SAD

I am dissapointed beyond words.
Sigh.

Madame Butterfly

Self-timer magical (and part of Cherry's crusty face).

#camwhoretime

Legged Sisters

Bite You

Im pissed out of my mind now.

But this is just too cute to be angry at.

GRRRRR.

#gimme

Perfection Is Like Your Cat's Anus

I know that I am not perfect. No need to remind me that 6565586562 times.
The truth is u look like shit too.
Yes, reality hurts so go fuck off & die.

Naish Ones

Microdermal is cool. I didn't hear any peachy reviews bout the procedure. But still.. Its one of the cutest things that I've ever seen. Itching to get one or a pair of it.
Damnnn..

Eat Dicks

Sometimes, I don't want to know.
But when I accidently saw it. I feel like slapping somebody. Yes, I have silent violent tendencies.
Can't help it.

Pops & Shots

So what am I supposed to do wit u looking all sexy on the table like that?!
He he he he he *evil horny laughs*

Inked For Life

I tattooed myself, wit a marker pen.
#boredomkills

ARGHHHHH

Lisan is evil and I am in the toilet shitting.. Nowwww..
But still, Lisan is evil.
#socutesocutesocutesocute
#arghhhh

Mense Bitchiness

Sometimes, I can be a bitch.
Sorry mom but I am having my mense this morning then u come and shot at me mafia style. HAHAHA. *evil laughs*

Cherry is Depressed

He's juz sleeping.
-__-
I juz say he's depressed for marketing purposes. Cheap publicity for nothingness.

Hello You

Hey you, yes you.. I miss u so much.
#imissyoulikecrazydoyouknowthat
#lovedeprivation

Sketch of The Day

I drew this today.
My talent are overrated sometimes.
I dnt even know wat the fuck is this.
HAHAHA.
-___-

#whyyoulikethis

Armageddon 12'

@wondermilk to get caffeine & bitching overdose wit my dearest, Zazy.